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2002-09-03 14:13:59 +00:00
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 #(HOSTILE_SPACE_HELLO_1)	THRAD000.wav
 So, what's this? SNORT! An unknown alien species?
 How wonderful! Someone new to fight!
 We, the Thraddash of Culture Nineteen  -- famous Ur-Quan Combat Thralls
 know well the value of a good fight.
 Either you win and prove your superiority...
 SNORT! Or you lose and are vanquished.
 If the vanquished is lucky, it may survive to learn an important lesson from its defeat.
 This is the way of the Thraddash! We fight and learn and improve!
 All other cultural schemes are inferior. This is a proven fact.
 What have you to say before we begin combat?
 #(HOSTILE_SPACE_HELLO_2)	THRAD001.wav
 SNORT! What a laugh! You are the least battle-worthy creature I've ever seen commanding a starship.
 We are the Ur-Quan fighting slaves of Culture Nineteen.
 Please don't run away. We wish to be your species' new role-models!
 Unfortunately, to do this, we may need to blast you into your component atoms.
 #(HOSTILE_SPACE_HELLO_3)	THRAD002.wav
 Attention weak, ugly humans aboard that wallowing garbage scow of a ship, SNORT!
 Unless you are even more inferior that we believe and that's hard to imagine
 you already know who we are -- the Thraddash of Culture Nineteen
 We are the original Ur-Quan fighting slaves, the cream of their elite forces
 your instructors in the harsh realities of life.
 SNORT! It is time for your next lesson.
 #(HOSTILE_SPACE_HELLO_4)	THRAD003.wav
 Inferior Aliens. You have once again intruded upon the territory of the Thraddash.
 This is a patrolled region of space. Your presence here is considered an act of War!
 How wonderful!
 #(HOSTILE_HOMEWORLD_HELLO_1)	THRAD004.wav
 HA! View the stupid weak alien who has appeared here at our homeworld!
 What do you desire, creature? Our Friendship? Our submission?!
 HARG! HARG! HARG!
 Foolish, dumb weakling! We, the Nineteenth Culture of the Thraddash Empire
 have an enormous fleet of ships here, with which to instruct you!
 We will gladly attack you -- in fact, it is a requirement that we do so
 since we are Ur-Quan slaves, and you are obviously an independent.
 But know this! SNORT! Pay close heed!
 While it is true we keep count of the number of our ships you destroy
 we consider attacking our homeworld SO irrevocably stupid
 that any victories you may score here through a sheer stroke of luck
 WILL NOT be added to your personal victory tally!
 Now what do you wish of us before we attack?
 #(HOSTILE_HOMEWORLD_HELLO_2)	THRAD005.wav
 Attention cowardly alien human thing!
 You escaped our instructional session, SNORT! But this time things are different.\n
 We, the Ur-Quan slaves of Culture Nineteen,
 have engaged in a long-term build-up of weapons, assuring us that we shall prevail!
 If you wish merely to count coup, seek our ships in space.
 Now do you wish to speak, or shall we simply start blasting?
 #(HOSTILE_HOMEWORLD_HELLO_3)	THRAD006.wav
 I am Korgk, battle-slave foreman of Culture Nineteen.
 You may be interested to know that our model ZK-53 computer
 has determined that you have only a fleeting 1.6% chance
 of surviving a battle with our homeworld guardian fleet.
 Shall we test this assertion?
 #(HOSTILE_HOMEWORLD_HELLO_4)	THRAD007.wav
 Foolish Aliens! Shall you never learn the futility
 of trying to conquer our homeworld through direct attack?
 It is impossible! SNORT! We Thraddash will toast your tootsies.
 Your charred bodies will be fertilizer for our fodderland.
 A great fight, resulting in a glorious Thraddash victory, awaits you here!
 #(whats_up_hostile_1)
 Thraddash of Culture Nineteen: we sense a bit of hostility here. Why?
 #(whats_up_hostile_2)
 What has made you this way? Why are you so brutal?
 #(GENERAL_INFO_HOSTILE_1)	THRAD008.wav
 Hostility!
 HARG! HARG! HARG!
 We are not `hostile'. Hostility is unwarranted aggression! SNORT! 
 If you want to know about hostility, let us tell you about Culture Twelve!
 Culture Twelve was SO hostile that while they were on their way to their first great battle
 Jugkah, the battlemaster, stepped on Gnusko the tactician's foot, causing him great pain.
 The annoyed Gnusko turned on his battlemaster, Jugkah, and sliced his body in half!
 This miffed Jugkah's troops who took it upon themslves to murder Gnusko and his elite troops.
 The REAL trouble started when now-dead Jugkah's master sergeants Muuhd and Pudt
 started arguing about how to kill Gnusko -- simple crucifixion, or the slower `Lead Tatoo' technique.
 The argument was resolved when Muuhd and his five hundred troops were slaughtered by Pudt and his gang.
 Well, this probably all would have gone down in history as a great day of learning for Culture Twelve
 were it not for the surprise arrival of Culture Twelve's original enemy, the Yajag and his cronies
 who wiped out Culture Twelve's army, thus beginning the long and glorious Culture Thirteen.
 SNORT! Now THAT'S hostility!
 We, on the other hand, merely want to kill you.
 #(GENERAL_INFO_HOSTILE_2)	THRAD009.wav
 Brutal!? You don't know the MEANING of brutal until you've heard the story of Culture Three!
 How brutal WAS Culture Three you ask?
 Culture Three was SO brutal that they maimed, tortured, enslaved, and in general brutalized
 THEMSELVES!
 You see, Culture Two had made a virtue of stoic resistance to pain, stubborn fortitude, that sort of thing.
 So when Culture Three came around, they had a problem.
 How were they going to impress everyone as being EVEN TOUGHER?
 Their answer? They would arrive at a battle, stand on a tall hill where everyone could see them
 and chop off one of their own limbs! Then they'd wave it around, screaming and shaking it at their enemies.
 It worked! It scared the hell out of their opponents! They ran like crazy!
 You could tell who was a real war hero back then by how few arms or legs he had left.
 War parades were quite different too. Instead of sturdy old warriors walking slowly past the reviewing stands
 they tended to roll, and at a good clip, too.
 To you, an inferior alien, this may seem bluntly stupid -- the product of a sick, primitive society.
 SNORT! You couldn't be more right!
 Culture Three was, as you can well understand, only the third Thraddash Culture
 and was therefore far from the tempered perfection you have encountered here and now.
 #(GENERAL_INFO_HOSTILE_3)	THRAD010.wav
 NO! We will not answer any more of your foolish questions!
 Instead, you will answer OUR questions, such as
 who is responsible for those berserk red probes that keep attacking our ships?
 Are these devices your robot emissaries of death? Hmm?
 No! Don't answer, I can see it in your eyes. You've given it all away! SNORT! I know the truth now.
 The only thing that confuses me is WHY do the probes approach from the direction of Vega?
 #(GENERAL_INFO_HOSTILE_4)	THRAD011.wav
 Back to the subject of the probes!
 We found one orbiting a strange planet in the Epsilon Draconis system.
 The planet causes our scanners to malfunction, producing a wildly colored image.
 The probe seemed to be studying it. Is this true?
 SPEAK, HUMAN! REVEAL THE TRUTH! CONFESS YOUR CRIMES!
 Well, if you will not cooperate
 we will have to extract the information from you in more painful ways.
 #(what_about_you_1)
 What can you tell us of your species?
 #(ABOUT_US_1)	THRAD012.wav
 Talk! Bah, talk is for sissies, weaklings like those of Culture Fourteen.
 For ten thousand years, we Thraddash have fought and died, learned and improved.
 Then, along came Culture Fourteen which claimed that all this -- this perfect method...
 ...was wrong! -- that each time we violently transformed to a new Culture
 we inevitably blasted ourselves back at least five hundred years in development.
 Hmph! Some people just cannot accept the cost of progress.
 Indeed, the FOOLISHNESS of Culture Fourteen's peaceful whining was revealed
 when they were conquered by Culture Fifteen after only a ten year reign.
 And did the change to Culture Fifteen set us back five hundred years?
 NO! SNORT!
 Two, maybe three hundred years, tops.
 The short span of Culture Fourteen's reign is objective proof that as a way of life
 peace is a failure.
 #(what_about_you_2)
 So violent, Rhino-Dudes! What more can you tell us about your Culture Nineteen?
 #(ABOUT_US_2)	THRAD013.wav
 What!?! SNORT! MORE talk?
 It amazes me that you ever got out of the orbit of your home planet!
 Yak! Yak! Yak! -- Yammer! Yammer! Yammer!
 Sigh... very well, we will talk... for a moment.
 Our Culture Nineteen is the most formidable ever to appear in Thraddash space.
 Admittedly, we said something similar about Culture Eighteen, BUT IT IS TRUE!
 With our rather swift defeat by the Ur-Quan and subsequent enslavement
 we realized that it was time for a change! A new Culture had to be established!
 So, of course, we began a thermo-nuclear exchange to decide who would lead this new culture.
 We were all quite disappointed when the Ur-Quan in orbit above our homeworld
 launched waves of fighters who intercepted all our missiles.
 The Ur-Quan explained that slaves were not permitted to engage in such destructive conflicts
 so my people, being superior, introduced a super-lethal poison into our opponents' water and air
 thus ending the conflict, HARG! HARG! HARG!
 The Ur-Quan were not particularly happy about this resolution, and killed all of our leaders
 which under other circumstances would have started a larger inter-Thraddash war
 but the Ur-Quan appointed new leaders, apparently chosen at random
 and explained that further disobedience would result in the destruction of our species.
 Frustrating, huh?
 #(what_about_urquan_1)
 You mention the Ur-Quan. What is your relationship with them?
 #(ABOUT_URQUAN_1)	THRAD014.wav
 A foolish question! We are their slaves, dolt! What else would we be?
 When the Ur-Quan first appeared in our space over fifty years ago
 coming from the direction of the Ophiuchi stars
 we attacked them with gusto, zipping in to fire our Mark 6 blasters
 and then theoretically zipping back out to prepare for another attack run.
 SNORT! Unfortunately, before we could zip out
 our ships were either blasted to smithereens by the Ur-Quan's fusion bolts
 or were picked apart by the swarms of Ur-Quan fighter-vessels.
 You may wonder why we didn't use our afterburners to escape. The answer is simple.
 Fifty years ago, our ships had not yet been modified for this enhancement!
 It was not until 2143 that  Maintainance Engineer Reeunk invented the afterburner effect
 when he accidentally stuck his cigar in the aft fuel valve of the ship we was working on.
 WHABOOM!!! The ship took off like a farg out of hell, and Reeunk was fried to a crisp.
 Yes, we remember Reeunk with much fondness. Of course, we have refined the device
 and now that our entire fleet has been fitted with the Reeunk Afterburners
 perhaps NOW the Ur-Quan will let us fight at their side as TRUE battle thralls.
 #(what_about_urquan_2)
 Why didn't you fight against the Alliance, and where ARE the Ur-Quan?
 #(ABOUT_URQUAN_2)	THRAD015.wav
 We wanted to, OH how we wanted to!
 After all, we were the first battle thralls the Ur-Quan enslaved in this part of space
 we thought we had priority!...
 but the Ur-Quan thought we were too weak to hold our own in the upcoming battles
 so they left us here... to guard the flank.
 If only we had been WHIMPER! stronger and less... SNARF! troublesome.
 Another reason the Ur-Quan wouldn't take us with them
 was because we kept picking fights with the new battle slaves
 like the Umgah blobbies, or those religious idiots, the Ilwrath.
 Where did they go, you ask? This is a secret, of course! We can't tell you!
 If we told you that they were fighting a secret war against a mysterious invader
 you might find some way to use that information against our masters.
 So forget it! No secrets!
 #(got_idea)
 	"Hey, I've got an idea! Why don't you go impress your Ur-Quan masters AND "
 show-off your Afterburner modification by attacking the Ur-Quan's enemy!?
 #(GOOD_IDEA)	THRAD016.wav
 WHAT FOOLISH STUPIDITY! HARG! HARG! HARG!
 WHY THAT'S AS DUMB AN IDEA AS -- what did you say?
 Attack the Ur-Quan's enemy? Help them win their war?
 Why that's a... that's a... THAT'S AN EXCELLENT IDEA!
 I'm glad I thought of it!
 We shall marshall our forces and leave at once!
 Stupid, human pitiful weakling dog, you have been helpful, so as a reward
 you may leave alive, and when we return from our glorious campaign
 we may even honor you with a retelling of the many great battles we shall certainly win.
 Until then, get lost.
 #(WE_GO_TO_IMPRESS_URQUAN_1)	THRAD017.wav
 The Ur-Quan will be mightily impressed by our combat prowess
 when we blast their enemies from space!
 We build up a charging fury! Stay out of our path!
 #(WE_GO_TO_IMPRESS_URQUAN_2)	THRAD018.wav
 Our individual skills, our superior fighting ships
 and our objectively correct political views
 are sure to greatly impress our Ur-Quan Masters!
 To Arms! SNORT! To Arms!
 #(WE_IMPRESSING_URQUAN_1)	THRAD019.wav
 Oh! The Weapons!! The devastating bolts of sheer energy! SNORT!
 The dark ships -- the Ur-Quan's enemies, they bow before our superior technologies!
 The morbid, relentless wheels of heart-pounding destructiveness
 are nothing more than an inconvenience!
 Oh, yes! I am sure that we are demonstrating to the Ur-Quan
 the worthiness of our excellent Culture Nineteen!
 #(WE_IMPRESSING_URQUAN_2)	THRAD020.wav
 We look forward to success!
 The way is challenging, but our Turbo-Thrusters are at 200% and our guns stand ready!
 We have engaged the dark ships and achieved victory!
 The Ur-Quan know we are here! SNORT! They see our valor!...
 ...unfortunately they also seem to be attacking us.
 We have tried to make contact with them on the usual Hyperwave bands, but to no avail.
 Even so, I am still quite sure that we are impressing them GREATLY!
 #(WE_IMPRESSED_URQUAN_1)	THRAD021.wav
 The great gouts of flame! SNORT! The accuracy of our shooting!
 We killed THOUSANDS... well at least HUNDREDS!
 It was wonderful! It was delirious!
 Those few of us who survived will have stories to tell for years to come.
 We were marvelous! SNORT! They shook and shivered when they saw us coming!
 They were so frightened of us, they froze in their tracks.
 That's how scared they were!
 Ah, such fighting! SNORT! We will not soon see the like again!
 #(WE_IMPRESSED_URQUAN_2)	THRAD022.wav
 Oh Yes! We have mightily impressed the Ur-Quan!
 We destroyed several of their enemy's dreaded black ships
 and severely damaged many more.
 Our losses? Well, yes, there were a few.
 But we are still very strong!
 Make no mistake about that!
 #(HOSTILE_HELIX_HELLO_1)	THRAD023.wav
 WARNING! You have entered Thraddash Secured Space!
 There is nothing valuable here!
 Go away!
 #(HOSTILE_HELIX_HELLO_2)	THRAD024.wav
 Begone Stupid, Ugly Ones!
 SNARL!
 Leave before we break from our guard posts and give you a good Thraddashing!
 #(submit_1)
 Your blustering does not impress me. We have requirements which you will fulfill, NOW!
 #(NO_SUBMIT_1)	THRAD025.wav
 Hunh?
 Hnyarg?!
 WHAT?!
 SNARL! YOU SAY WHAT?!!!
 Foolish, pitiful, small-headed being
 WE WILL DEEESTROY YOUUU AND EVERYBODY ON YOUR SHIP!!
 #(submit_2)
 I have secret weapons of great power. Submit, or I shall evaporate your planet.
 #(NO_SUBMIT_2)	THRAD026.wav
 HARG! HARG! HARG!
 We like secret weapons!
 We will now give you the opportunity to give them to us.
 #(be_friends_1)
 We wish nothing from you, save your friendship.
 #(NO_FRIENDS_1)	THRAD027.wav
 Perhaps, after we have made you our slaves, we can accomodate your wishes.
 Until then...
 #(be_friends_2)
 You are strong! We like strong! We be friends, now, okay?
 #(NO_FRIENDS_2)	THRAD028.wav
 We are strong. You are weak. And HARG! HARG!...
 we HATE weak.
 We do not need weak friends! We want only slaves and teachers.
 Since you have nothing to teach us and refuse to be our slave
 then you are our enemy.
 Such logic must be obvious even to a stupid being like yourself.
 #(how_impressed_urquan_1)
 How did impressing the Ur-Quan work out?
 #(IMPRESSED_LIKE_SO_1)	THRAD029.wav
 It was glorious, truly glorious!... for the most part.
 It would have been entirely glorious except for two factors.
 Factor One: we lost over half our battle fleet during the two-week fracas.
 Factor Two: of our casualties, only 60 percent were due to the Ur-Quan's enemy, the dark ships.
 SNORT! The remaining 40 percent can be attributed to the Ur-Quan themselves.
 We can be certain that we impressed them with at least one achievement
 due to the Afterburner modification, we were somewhat harder for them to kill
 than when they conquered us in the first place.
 #(how_impressed_urquan_2)
 Would you describe the Ur-Quan's enemy ships?
 #(IMPRESSED_LIKE_SO_2)	THRAD030.wav
 They were black as space itself, with only the occasional glint off their hulls as they turned to fire.
 Their weapons were extremely primitive, nothing more than fast-spinning disks of dense metal
 yet they penetrated our defensive screens, and inflicted grievous damage
 purely through their enormous kinetic energy.
 The black ship's secret weapon is their ring of fire
 which is VERY effective at short range.
 Hey! Wait a minute! What am I doing answering YOUR questions?
 Puny human, your time is almost up. Prepare yourself for defeat!
 #(bye_hostile_1)
 We leave in peace.
 #(GOODBYE_HOSTILE_1)	THRAD031.wav
 What? You leave before the lesson begins? We have so much to teach you!
 Let us show you just one thing, it's called the `Surprise Attack'.
 #(bye_hostile_2)
 I guess we'll just be going now.
 #(GOODBYE_HOSTILE_2)	THRAD032.wav
 Then I guess we'll just be attacking you now.
 #(why_you_here_hostile)
 Explain your presence here, Thraddash.
 #(NONE_OF_YOUR_CONCERN)	THRAD033.wav
 It is none of your concern, human, SNORT!
 Now leave this world before we get REALLY mad!
 #(demand_to_land)
 What are you hiding down there? I demand to land!
 #(NO_DEMAND)	THRAD034.wav
 You will make no demands, stupid captain human dog!
 Instead, you will die!
 #(what_about_this_world)
 So what's so special about this world? Why all the guards?
 #(BLUE_HELIX)	THRAD035.wav
 Very well, since we have a huge number of ships here
 I guess there can't be much harm in explaining this to you
 PROVIDED YOU LEAVE WHEN WE'RE DONE!
 So listen carefully.
 Below us
 on the surface of this planet
 on the dark continent of Funt
 high on a mountain
 in an ancient shrine
 resting in a special ceremonial cradle
 glowing with its magical blue light
 is the
 NO! I've changed my mind! You don't get to know the answer.
 Sorry.
 #(whats_helix_hostile)
 Aw, geez. Come on. That was UNFAIR!
 #(HELIX_IS_HOSTILE)	THRAD036.wav
 Okay, okay. I guess you're right, it was a bit cruel. I'll tell you.
 Let's see, where was I? Oh, right
 on the dark continent of Funt
 high on a mountain
 in an ancient shrine
 resting in a special ceremonial cradle
 glowing with its magical blue light
 is the
 AQUA HELIX!
 ...the most revered of all Thraddash relics
 the sign of any Culture's authority.
 #(i_need_to_land_lie)
 Uh... I left something important on the surface last week. Can I just go down and get it?
 #(CAUGHT_LIE)	THRAD037.wav
 Okay.
 Go ahead.
 Hey, WAIT A MINUTE!
 You are after our most ancient and important relic, AREN'T YOU?
 You were going to steal it, WEREN'T YOU? SNARL!
 You are sneaky and deceptive, just like the vile Culture Sixteeners!
 You shall suffer their same fate -- OBLIVION!
 #(bye_hostile_helix)
 We have decided to leave. Goodbye.
 #(GOODBYE_HOSTILE_HELIX)	THRAD038.wav
 If you hurry, we won't kill you. Goodbye.
 #(DIE_THIEF_1)	THRAD039.wav
 So it's you! The Thief! The skulking little human weasel!
 SNORT! We should not have left the Aqua Helix Planet unguarded!
 You have shown us a weakness in ourselves, and for that we thank you.
 But we desire the return of the Helix, and since I suspect you won't give it willingly
 SNORT! Eat Flaming Death You Gravy Sucking Pig!
 #(DIE_THIEF_2)	THRAD040.wav
 Ahoy stupid human. You are arrogant and absurd!
 You took our wonderful, ancient, sacred Aqua Helix, and refuse to return it!
 This makes us mad, EXTREMELY mad!
 Prepare to meet thy Doom, alien Thief!
 #(AMAZING_PERFORMANCE)	THRAD041.wav
 	"Admirable! Admirable! We have never witnessed such awesome combat capabilities!"
 You have destroyed so many of us! We are humbled in your presence!
 We thought you were a weakling, a coward, a pitiful sniveling wimp.
 We were wrong, so wrong! WHIMPER!
 You have shown yourself superior to ourselves, indeed, even the Ur-Quan!
 We wish to learn from you, thus improving our Culture.
 Give us your wisdom, mighty Teacher! What is the secret to your success?
 Wait! I've got it! It's the way you respond to our hailing calls each time we meet!
 Just as they say, first impressions are SO important!
 So tell us, please! Tell us how WE should present ourselves.
 #(IMPRESSIVE_PERFORMANCE)	THRAD042.wav
 	"Well, Humans have some backbone after all, but not as much as the Ur-Quan."
 A Human ship is a poor second to the Ur-Quan Dreadnought.
 Your weapons do not have the killing strength of an Ur-Quan fusion blast.
 SNORT! The Ur-Quan are still your betters.
 #(ADEQUATE_PERFORMANCE)	THRAD043.wav
 Perhaps Humans can fight after all, if our reports are accurate.
 	"We will test this hypothesis in the laboratory of life -- IN GLORIOUS BATTLE!"
 Your puny, inadequate weaponry is no match for the Thraddash Mark 6 Blaster
 with its 4 Megawatt energy discharge.
 	"Nor can your slow, bloated tubs compare to our Flash Turbo-Boosted warships!"
 We have nothing to fear!
 #(HELLO_POLITE_1)	THRAD044.wav
 Hello and good day! How are you today?
 We are just fine, thank you! Are your mates and offspring well?
 How simply marvelous!
 #(HELLO_POLITE_2)	THRAD045.wav
 We are the polite and courteous Thraddash!
 We greet you with all appropriate felicitations.
 #(HELLO_POLITE_3)	THRAD046.wav
 Most erudite greetings to you.
 As always, we will be most pleased to enter into meaningful discourse with your elevated person.
 #(HELLO_POLITE_4)	THRAD047.wav
 Greetings and salutations! We trust that all is well with you
 and that your stay will be pleasant and beneficial.
 #(HELLO_RHYME_1)	THRAD048.wav		  
 We are the rhyming simons
 blancmange rhymes with orange
 space is the place
 the stars in their courses
 cannot catch the horses?
 SNORT! This is hard!
 #(HELLO_RHYME_2)	THRAD049.wav		   
 Blood is red, bruises are blue
 When strangers come here, we run them through!\n
 HARG! HARG! HARG!
 Good one, eh?
 #(HELLO_RHYME_3)
 There once was a Thraddash named Mak-Roni
 whose ship was in total caco-phony
 He got lost in Apodis
 and died in Draconis
 Because all that he ate was baloney!
 HARG! HARG! HARG!
 #(HELLO_RHYME_4)
 Constantly moving are
 space, stars, time
 SNORT!
 form not function
 meets in death
 remembered.
 #(HELLO_PIG_LATIN_1)	THRAD050.wav
 Eway areyay ethay igpay atinlay eakingspay Addashthray! Ortsnay!
 #(HELLO_PIG_LATIN_2)	THRAD051.wav
 Ombatcay! Ecklessray ouragecay! Eakingspay igpay atinlay!
 Eway aryay ategray orfay eesethay easonsray!
 #(HELLO_PIG_LATIN_3)	THRAD052.wav
 Ellohay umanhay! Elcomeway ackbay! E'veway eenbay xpectingay ouyay.
 #(HELLO_PIG_LATIN_4)	THRAD053.wav
 Eway aypay espectray otay ouryay eategray eachertay!
 #(HELLO_LIKE_YOU_1)	THRAD054.wav
 This is Grah of the starship Hot Pulsing Thrusters.
 #(HELLO_LIKE_YOU_2)	THRAD055.wav
 Greetings! I am Captain Chudd in command of the Blazing Guns of Glory!
 #(HELLO_LIKE_YOU_3)	THRAD056.wav
 Attention! This is the starship Overwhelmer.
 #(HELLO_LIKE_YOU_4)	THRAD057.wav
 I am commander Dthunk.
 #(WELCOME_SPACE0)	THRAD058.wav
 We of 
 #(WELCOME_SPACE1)	THRAD059.wav
 are glad to meet you here in space, oh wise Teacher from Earth!
 #(WELCOME_HOMEWORLD0)	THRAD060.wav
 Your presence here at our homeworld fills all of us 
 #(WELCOME_HOMEWORLD1)	THRAD061.wav
 with awe. We are honored, wise human.
 #(WELCOME_HELIX0)	THRAD062.wav
 Hoy-yo-HO! The super-strong human has returned to this, our most important planet.
 We, 
 #(WELCOME_HELIX1)	THRAD063.wav
 , bid you welcome.
 #(why_you_here_ally)
 What's so special about about this planet?
 #(GUARDING_HELIX_ALLY)	THRAD064.wav
 We orbit here guarding that most precious of our relics, that which we hold most dearly
 that which has been at the heart of all our Cultures
 (except for Culture Nine, and they don't really count)
 We guard the object which transcends mortal realms
 the Aqua Helix!
 #(whats_helix_ally)
 So what about this `Aqua Helix' thing? Does it do any tricks?
 #(HELIX_IS_ALLY)	THRAD065.wav
 The Aqua Helix is our most precious relic.
 For the totality of our historical memory, the Helix has been with us.
 It guides, motivates and rewards. It is the twisty-thing that launched a thousand ships!
 It is the relic all our cultures have held most... oh yeah, I said that already.
 We know the Aqua Helix is great
 largely because all our previous nineteen cultures have known this to be true!
 If the Aqua Helix wasn't anything special
 WHY would we spend so much blood and passion over the little thing?
 It would be a colossal waste! An absurd travesty!...
 ...actually, this is much what Culture Nine said
 during their two-week period of dominance before Culture Ten wiped them out.
 Anyway we remain convinced!...
 ...we are Thraddash and all Thraddash know the significance of the Aqua Helix.
 Therefore, the Aqua Helix IS great! The matter is resolved.
 #(may_i_land)
 That sounds really cool! You won't mind if I go down and just kinda look at it, would you?
 #(SURE_LAND)	THRAD066.wav
 Why certainly, go ahead and land on the planet and take a look at the most precious of all our relics
 the relic we hold most dear, as have all our Cultures...
 #(whats_up_ally)
 Have there been any developments here that I, your Great Teacher, should know of?
 #(GENERAL_INFO_ALLY_1)	THRAD067.wav
 Yes, Teacher, there is at least one event of note.
 We may have once mentioned our encounters with the tumbling red probes
 the ones that attack relentlessly while spouting bizarre peace offerings.
 Initially we believed that they were coming from the direction of the Vega star system.
 Now we believe the opposite.
 Uh.. no, Captain, we don't know what the opposite of Vega is, that's not what we meant.
 We now believe that the probes are RETURNING to Vega.
 As yet we do not know the nature of their mission.
 #(GENERAL_INFO_ALLY_2)	THRAD068.wav
 Yes, wise human, let us elaborate.
 Two years ago we monitored the entry of two ships into our space.
 One was clearly a Dreadnought, the ship of our ex-masters, the Ur-Quan.
 The other ship was a dark and ominous ship equally as huge as the Dreadnought.
 The vessels were locked in mortal combat. They fought valiantly!
 Eventually, the Ur-Quan destroyed the black ship, but not before receiving mortal wounds itself.
 The last we saw of the ship, it was tumbling out of control toward Alpha Pavonis.
 We do not know its eventual fate.
 #(GENERAL_INFO_ALLY_3)	THRAD069.wav
 Now that you are our new role-model, I guess it's time to spill the beans on the Ur-Quan.
 Unfortunately, we never really got any beans -- secret bits of information, that is.
 However, maybe you would like to know about the last time we saw the Ur-Quan.
 It was in 2140, I think. All of a sudden, a fleet of Dreadnoughts came storming into our space
 quickly refueled, and then left, broadcasting a recorded message
 which told us to remain in our old sphere of influence, obey the slave laws, and wait for their return.
 The Dreadnought fleet departed in the direction of the Crateris constellation
 but where they are now is unknown.
 #(GENERAL_INFO_ALLY_4)	THRAD070.wav
 This doesn't really count as News, Teacher
 but War is truly magnificent isn't it?
 The gut wrenching sight of molten warships!
 The boiling blood of depressurized soldiers!
 I just love it!...
 ...don't you?
 #(HOW_SHOULD_WE_ACT)	THRAD071.wav
 We need to learn so much from you, such as
 How should we act in our new Culture? What is our direction, our ethical base?
 #(friendly)
 Be kind at all times and in all places. Treat each stranger you meet as your best friend.
 #(OK_FRIENDLY)	THRAD072.wav
 Friendly? Kind? The wisdom escapes me.... ah yes! I understand now!
 Being kind, being friendly...this will allow intruders to let their guard down
 and when we kill them, they will be too surprised to react!
 What a great plan, human! You are truly a great Teacher!
 #(wacky)
 Lighten up! Be kind of... you know... Wacky! Here, try watching these vids: Monty Python and the Marx Brothers.
 #(OK_WACKY)	THRAD073.wav
 Wacky!...Wacky? I do not understand. We shall watch these vids of yours.
 We shall study them, to learn to be... wacky.
 Then, when we are wacky enough, we shall test our new wackiness in combat
 to discover, no doubt, the great advantage it has given us.
 Thank you, Great Teacher.
 #(just_like_us)
 Look, if you really want a model for your Culture, then be just like us!
 #(OK_JUST_LIKE_YOU)	THRAD074.wav
 Aha! I see it now. We proceed carefully
 we take no undue risks. We slowly build up our strength
 and only attack when we have overwhelming odds on our side!
 In dealings with other races, we shall question them mercilessly
 trying to drag out every last bit of information, and if they are not cooperative
 we will threaten them with instant death!
 We will be just like you!
 #(WORK_TO_DO)	THRAD075.wav
 We have much work to do to implement these sweeping cultural changes.
 Transferring from the allegiances and mores of one culture to another
 is a difficult and time consuming task.
 We beg you, great warrior from Earth, give us time to make the changes you have suggested.
 Return later to see our brave new world.
 #(contemplative)
 Try being more contemplative. Consider the many facets of a single gem... and stuff like that.
 #(OK_CONTEMPLATIVE)	THRAD076.wav
 Aha! Contemplation, yes! New thought and realizations! With our new studious ways
 we shall uncover new methods, inventions and schemes
 allowing us to conquer entire civilizations with ease!
 Brilliant, human, brilliant!
 #(how_goes_culture)
 So how is the new Culture developing?
 #(CONTEMP_GOES_1)	THRAD077.wav
 Augh! If it were not for our certainty in your wisdom, great Teacher from Earth
 we would not have remained a `Contemplative' culture for more than a single day
 As it is, we have contemplated our strategies, tactics, our weapons, the stars
 the planets, and even our navels
 which for a Thraddash is very uncomfortable and requires at least two mirrors.
 #(CONTEMP_GOES_2)	THRAD078.wav
 So studious! So quiet! So contemplative!
 SNORT!
 We are not made for this. We are beginning to break out in spots!
 #(FRIENDLY_GOES_1)	THRAD079.wav
 To be frank, Great Teacher, friendliness suits us Thraddash poorly.
 For example, we Thraddash do not have the necessary muscles to `smile' as you suggested we do
 so we are now using small plastic prosthetic devices to prop up our lips into the required position.
 Very uncomfortable.
 #(FRIENDLY_GOES_2)	THRAD080.wav
 Try as we might, we just can't make this friendly thing work, Teacher.
 Even your idea about exchanging the ritual gifts, the `Fruit Cakes' has had problems.
 It seems that nobody actually wants to eat the Fruit Cakes
 however, on the plus side, due to the Fruit Cakes' density and other physical characteristics
 they make excellent projectile weapons!
 #(WACKY_GOES_1)	THRAD081.wav
 We have studied and studied the vids you left with us, oh Great Teacher
 but we fear we are unable to grasp the essential truth and power of being wacky.
 For example, last month, in an attempt to be spontaneously absurd
 I turned to my subordinate and in a high-modulated tone of voice
 explained that there was a penguin sitting on the vidscreen.
 Not knowing what a penguin was, my subordinate spun to face the vidscreen
 his hydraulic holster snapping his weapon into his hand.
 BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!
 The penguin, the vidscreen, and a large section of the wall were destroyed.
 You see, Captain. Perhaps we are not suited to being wacky\n
 and SNIFF!... that was my only penguin.
 #(WACKY_GOES_2)	THRAD082.wav
 We are getting a better handle on this wacky thing. The key?...Slapstick!
 We Thraddash have found our mode, our idiom, our way to be wacky.
 Jabbing the eyes with outstretched digits! Striking the head with planks!
 HARG! HARG! HARG! We like and understand this perfectly, Captain.
 And with the addition of our native elements, high-explosives and nausea gas
 Thraddash space has become Pratfall City!
 #(LIKE_YOU_GOES_1)	THRAD083.wav
 Things are proceeding well, Captain.
 We have discovered one item which may interest you.
 There is an unusual world orbiting Epsilon Draconis, in close solar orbit.
 Though it radiates energies which scramble our sensors
 we can detect many radioactive substances on the surface.
 We suspect that this is one of the so-called `Precursor Dumps'
 described in some ancient text fragments we found in Alpha Apodis.
 The text goes on to say that these Dumps are in some kind of pattern
 though what the pattern may be remains a mystery.
 For now, that is all.
 #(LIKE_YOU_GOES_2)	THRAD084.wav
 A long-range scouting team was sent to explore the stars in the Lyncis constellation.
 On planet I of Delta Lyncis, they encountered a life form so dangerous, so hostile
 that it almost killed the entire landing party.
 We know you seek information on lifeforms, Great Teacher
 and we hope this information has been of use.
 #(bye_ally)
 Goodbye to you, my Thraddash students.
 #(GOODBYE_ALLY_1)	THRAD085.wav
 We eagerly await your return, Great Teacher.
 #(GOODBYE_ALLY_2)	THRAD086.wav
 We will await your return and further enlightenment with great anticipation.
 #(GOODBYE_ALLY_3)	THRAD087.wav
 Try not to get killed, Teacher.
 #(GOODBYE_ALLY_4)	THRAD088.wav
 Farewell Great Teacher.
 #(be_polite)
 Try being polite and friendly in your greetings.
 #(OK_POLITE)	THRAD089.wav
 Ok, we will be polite.
 That will cause visitors to let their guard down
 and then we attack them!
 Yes, that is an excellent plan!
 #(speak_pig_latin)
 To really capture the spirit of Interstellar Diplomactic Protocol you should speak pig latin.
 #(OK_PIG_LATIN)	THRAD090.wav
 Pig-Latin, eh? Isn't that where you take the first letter or two of a word, put it at the end
 and then add an `ay' at the very end?  Hmm.. let me try
 `Upidstay Eaturecray! Eparepray otay ieday!'
 Hey! I like that! It gives one the semblance of wit and education
 without all that dreary studying!
 Just one question, Great Teacher. How do you say `example' in pig latin?
 #(use_rhymes)
 I know for a fact that rhyming in your introductions wins big points.
 #(OK_RHYMES)	THRAD091.wav
 Rhymes? Like in poetry? SNORT!
 Isn't that kind of... you know... not-tough stuff?
 SNORT! What am I saying! You are the Great Teacher! You know best!
 If rhyming is necessary, then Teacher we will be rhyming all the timing.
 #(just_the_way_we_do)
 Just greet people the way we do.
 #(OK_WAY_YOU_DO)	THRAD092.wav
 Hmmm... okay. I see.
 When necessary, we will be obsequious and kowtow
 and the rest of the time, we will bluster and threaten!
 How simple!
 #(WHAT_NAME_FOR_CULTURE)	THRAD093.wav
 Now that we understand the nuances of introduction, Great Teacher
 we have an even more significant question.
 Your devastation of our battle forces have shown us
 that our Cultrue Nineteen is inferior to your own
 therfore, we will adopt your methods, your techniques
 but what shall we name our new Culture?
 #(alliance_name)
 How about the 
 #(OK_ALLIANCE_NAME)	THRAD094.wav
 Okay, the 
 #(NAME_TAIL)	THRAD095.wav
 #(you_decide)
 I think it is important that with this new direction, you decide on your new name.
 #(OK_CULTURE_20)	THRAD096.wav
 You are wise, Great Teacher. I will think long and hard on this matter
 GRUNT!
 It must reflect the profound changes in our social order.
 GRUNT!
 It must clearly explain the nature of our civilization!
 GRUNT!
 Yes! I have it! The perfect name is
 Culture Twenty!
 #(fat)
 How about `The Fat Obstreperous Jerks'?
 #(OK_FAT)	THRAD097.wav
 I like it! This name, being such an obvious contrast to our true nature
 will fool our enemies into believing we are harmless
 because surely only fools would let themselves be known by such a name!
 Once again, Great Teacher, you have shown your wisdom. We thank you.
 From this day forward, we are the Fat Obstreperous Jerks!
 #(the_slave_empire)
 It will be 
 #(OK_SLAVE)	THRAD098.wav
 Ulp!  Well... you're the one with the big starship
 So be it 
 #(FAT_JERKS)	THRAD099.wav
 Fat Obstreperous Jerks
 #(CULTURE)	THRAD100.wav
 Culture Twenty
 #(SLAVE_EMPIRE)	THRAD101.wav
 The Glorious Slave Empire of 
 #(name_1)
 The New Alliance of Free Stars 
 #(name_2)
 The Concordance of Alien Nations 
 #(name_3)
 The United Federation of Worlds 
 #(name_40)
 The Empire of 
 #(name_41)
 !
 #(HAVING_FUN_WITH_ILWRATH_1)	THRAD102.wav
 Oh! The Glory of these many battles!
 The stupid Ilwrath are easy kills for our valiant warriors, SNORT!
 We kill fully two of them for every one of us who perishes!
 Of course, they possess twice our number of fighting ships
 but that is not truly significant!
 It was your wisdom and guidance that made this all possible, Great Teacher!
 Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
 #(HAVING_FUN_WITH_ILWRATH_2)	THRAD103.wav
 The exploding starships! The screaming crew!
 The direct hits, the cunning escapes!
 These are the moments we live for!
 Now we must return to the great battles!
 Farewell, Great Teacher.
 #(GO_AWAY_FIGHTING_ILWRATH_1)	THRAD104.wav
 So, it is a stupid, ungainly human.
 I thought we killed you... never mind. It is unimportant now.
 We are in the midst of a great and glorious war.
 The Ilwrath religious fanatics have chosen to attack us
 and our brilliant defense is decimating them!
 Of course we are taking small casualties, but that is acceptable.
 Why am I wasting my time here with you?
 I could be out there, winning honor and glory fighting the idiot spiders.
 Depart human, your death is not worth the cost of my ammunition.
 #(GO_AWAY_FIGHTING_ILWRATH_2)	THRAD105.wav
 Stop bothering us, human!
 Can't you see that we are fighting the most perfect war of our Nineteen Cultures?
 We have brought the Ilwrath to their knee equivalents!
 Now all that remains is the coup de grace -- their final annihilation!
 So clear my path, alien dog, before I blast it clear myself!
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