Michael Martin
379 lines
11 KiB
Plaintext
379 lines
11 KiB
Plaintext
#(name_1)
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The New Alliance of Free Stars
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#(name_2)
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The Concordance of Alien Nations
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#(name_3)
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The United Federation of Worlds
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#(name_40)
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The Empire of
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#(name_41)
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#(tanaka) shofixti-000.ogg
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Tanaka
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#(katana) shofixti-001.ogg
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Katana
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#(HOSTILE_KATANA_1) shofixti-002.ogg
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I, Katana the Warrior, have travelled for long years through space, finally to come home
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only to witness you blasting my brother to atoms!
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Now you die!
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#(HOSTILE_KATANA_2) shofixti-003.ogg
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The Ur-Quan has returned! How unusually brave
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for a leprous, non-functional sex organ, like yourself.
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#(HOSTILE_KATANA_3) shofixti-004.ogg
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Evil murderer, you think to taunt me.
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Ha! And again I say, Ha!
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I have faced far worse than you
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You pitiful imitation of six-weeks dead Dhrang!
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#(HOSTILE_KATANA_4) shofixti-005.ogg
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I swear by the hero, Daikon, this time I will kill you.
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#(HOSTILE_TANAKA_1) shofixti-006.ogg
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Attention huge alien vessel!
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Though most of my sensory instruments are malfunctioning
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my mass indicator shows the huge size of your vessel
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revealing you are none other
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than a disgusting Ur-Quan slimewad!
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I am the glorious Shofixti warrior Tanaka.
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You killed my father... my mother... my many brothers
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all six of my sisters
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in fact, my entire species.
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Prepare to die!
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#(HOSTILE_TANAKA_2) shofixti-007.ogg
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Ah, so the cowardly slug-spawn has returned!
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You were most fortunate last time, you hideous, pouchless freak!
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But this time I shall surely destroy your vessel
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you slithering eater of putrid hairballs!
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#(HOSTILE_TANAKA_3) shofixti-008.ogg
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I see you're back for even more humiliation, you flatulent, Ur-Quan pus-cup.
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#(HOSTILE_TANAKA_4) shofixti-009.ogg
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I'll kill you this time you pitiful, weakling fancier of herd animal excrement!
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#(HOSTILE_TANAKA_5) shofixti-010.ogg
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I'll kill you this time you pitiful, weakling fancier of herd animal excrement!
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#(HOSTILE_TANAKA_6) shofixti-011.ogg
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I'll kill you this time you pitiful, weakling fancier of herd animal excrement!
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#(HOSTILE_TANAKA_7) shofixti-012.ogg
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I'll kill you this time you pitiful, weakling fancier of herd animal excrement!
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#(HOSTILE_TANAKA_8) shofixti-013.ogg
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I'll kill you this time you pitiful, weakling fancier of herd animal excrement!
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#(dont_attack)
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Don't attack -- we're not the Ur-Quan! We're your allies!
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#(TYPICAL_PLOY) shofixti-014.ogg
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A typical Ur-Quan gambit... which has failed.
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And now I howl the scream of death!
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Kyaiee!
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#(hey_stop)
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Hey, stop shooting! Someone could get hurt!
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#(ONLY_STOP) shofixti-015.ogg
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I will only stop when you are dead!
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Kyaiee!
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#(look_you_are)
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Look, you're getting me REALLY pissed-off! Stop attacking and talk!
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#(TOO_BAD) shofixti-016.ogg
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Too bad.
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Kyaiee!
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#(dont_know)
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Don't you know the war is over?
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#(NEVER) shofixti-017.ogg
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For me it will never be over!
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Kyaiee!
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#(look0)
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Look
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#(look1)
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, the war is over -- really!
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#(FOR_YOU) shofixti-018.ogg
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For you perhaps, fat cowardly lard-log!
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Kyaiee!
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#(no_bloodshed)
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There is no point in further bloodshed.
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#(YES_BLOODSHED) shofixti-019.ogg
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Oh yes there is!
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When you have shed enough blood, You Will Die!
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Kyaiee!
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#(dont_want_to_fight)
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Gee, if that's the way you feel, then I'll be on my way.
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#(MUST_FIGHT_YOU_URQUAN_1) shofixti-020.ogg
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Oh no you don't!
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Kyaiee!
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#(MUST_FIGHT_YOU_URQUAN_2) shofixti-021.ogg
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Oh no you don't!
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Kyaiee!
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#(MUST_FIGHT_YOU_URQUAN_3) shofixti-022.ogg
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Oh no you don't!
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Kyaiee!
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#(MUST_FIGHT_YOU_URQUAN_4) shofixti-023.ogg
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Oh no you don't!
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Kyaiee!
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#(no_one_insults)
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No one insults us like that you toothless, piebald, impotent roof-rabbit!
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#(YOU_LIMP) shofixti-024.ogg
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You limp, bloodless sack of decaying flesh Ur-Quan! You die!
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Kyaiee!
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#(mighty_words)
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Those are mighty words from a dripping, snout-rotted little furball!
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#(HANG_YOUR) shofixti-025.ogg
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I will hang your withered reproductive organs from my posterior monitor!
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Kyaiee!
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#(donkey_breath)
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Look donkey breath - one more insult and it's vapor city for you!
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#(DGRUNTI) shofixti-026.ogg
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Why you wallowing, phlegm-filled Dgrunti belly-licker, you
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hey
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Ur-Quans never insulted me before!
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Who did you say you were?
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#(i_am_captain0)
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I am Captain
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#(i_am_captain1)
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from the
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#(i_am_captain2)
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aboard the flagship
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#(i_am_captain3)
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. Cease aggression immediately!
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#(i_am_nice)
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I am the nice, friendly ally WHO YOU'VE BEEN TRYING TO KILL -- YOU IDIOT, MORON RATHEAD!
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#(i_am_guy)
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I am the guy who called you donkey-breath, you violent little varmint.
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#(SO_SORRY) shofixti-027.ogg
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Oh. I am sorriest
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I must be reprimanded.
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When we report back to Star Control...
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#(MUST_UNDERSTAND) shofixti-028.ogg
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Hyai! What a fool I am!
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When you failed to launch fighter craft, I should have guessed.
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Just one of those mistakes you make in war...
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#(NICE_BUT_WHAT_IS_DONKEY) shofixti-029.ogg
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Ah, Earth humor! Very funny! Ha-ha-ha!
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But what is don...
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#(IS_DEFEAT_TRUE) shofixti-030.ogg
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Suddenly your words ring in my ears.
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Captain, is this true? Have the Ur-Quan been destroyed?
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Has the ultimate sacrifice of my people resulted in freedom for the Alliance?
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#(yes_and_no)
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Well yes AND no... mostly no.
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#(butt_blasted)
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I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, but the Alliance got its butt blasted.
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#(clobbered)
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Er... maybe we should talk about this later.
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#(VERY_SAD_KILL_SELF) shofixti-031.ogg
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HYAIEEE!
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I am a defeated warrior! A worthless shell!
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I must die!!!!
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#(important_duty)
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No, wait, Shofixti! I have an important duty for you to perform.
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#(WHAT_DUTY) shofixti-032.ogg
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What might that be?
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#(need_you_for_duty)
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Shofixti, I am now your new commander. I order you not to kill yourself. Instead, join our fleet. Fight with us!
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#(OK_WILL_BE_SENTRY) shofixti-033.ogg
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To fight again? Against the UR-QUAN!?
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YES!!... But no.
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I cannot leave my homeworld unguarded. I will remain here and keep a solitary vigil.
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Goodbye.
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#(dont_do_it)
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Don't do it, old Warrior! You still have much to live for!
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#(YES_I_DO_IT) shofixti-034.ogg
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Like what?!
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My race is dead. My world is an airless rock. And I've seen all my FunRoms at least a hundred times.
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My life is over.
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I have already picked out a nice asteroid to smash into
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so if you don't mind, I'll just go and kill myself.
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Unless you want to annihilate me yourself.
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#(go_ahead)
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Fine. Go ahead. Kill yourself, you violent little weasel.
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#(ON_SECOND_THOUGHT) shofixti-035.ogg
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Wait! I have had a sudden realization!
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If you are here, in such an amazing ship
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that means there is yet hope to defeat the evil Ur-Quan pus-dogs!
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A sudden exhilaration sweeps through my old body
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I have changed my mind, Captain! I will not smash myself into an asteroid
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instead, I will wait here, and when the time comes, Captain
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when you have found the duty that only I can perform
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I will be waiting here... eager to help you.
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#(procreating_wildly)
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What would you think about procreating wildly?
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#(replenishing_your_species)
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I can give you the opportunity to replenish your species.
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#(hope_you_have)
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Shofixti, I have something a lot better than FunRoms. Are you interested?
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#(SOUNDS_GREAT_BUT_HOW) shofixti-036.ogg
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I am intrigued, Captain, but what are you talking about?
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#(females)
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We have obtained females of your species.
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#(nubiles)
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We can make available a bevy of fecund Shofixti nubiles.
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#(rat_babes)
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What would you say to rat-babes galore?
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#(LEAPING_HAPPINESS) shofixti-037.ogg
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Great leaping mounds of happiness!
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You shall be honored forever, Captain, as the savior of the Shofixti race!
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I have been granted the ultimate reward, er.. duty.
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This humble warrior will take the Shofixti maidens you possess
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gently wake them
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and then perform ribald feats of unsurpassed fertility!
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With their consent, of course.
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Our people shall be reborn!
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Your name shall be recorded in our most sacred writings for all time!
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Thank you Captain, and farewell... I have urgent business to attend to.
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#(bye0)
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Farewell
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#(bye1)
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.
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#(GOODBYE0)
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Goodbye Captain
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#(GOODBYE1)
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.
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#(why_here0)
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So what were you doing here
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#(why_here1)
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?
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#(I_GUARD) shofixti-038.ogg
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I guard the homeworld. I seek revenge against its destroyers, the Ur-Quan and their
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vile battle thralls. I await the return of the hero Daikon and the rebirth of my species.
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#(where_world)
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Where is your life-filled homeworld, Kyabetsu?
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#(BLEW_IT_UP) shofixti-039.ogg
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My people blew up the sun, heh, heh, heh!
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Or at least they caused it to flare like a nova, destroying the many hundreds of
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Hierarchy vessels that had invaded our system to enslave us Shofixti.
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#(how_survive)
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If your sun went nova, how did you survive?
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#(NOT_HERE) shofixti-040.ogg
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I wasn't here when they made the sun flare.
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I was assigned to a Yehat squadron as a forward scout performing a deep recon in Mycon space.
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We were sent to investigate reports of unusual Mycon activity around Beta Brahe.
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I was the first ship to enter the system.
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My scanners showed a small fleet of Mycon clustered around the planet conducting a test of some device.
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The unit was small, not even half the size of my ship.
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When the Mycon activated it a glow began to radiate outward.
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I crept closer, to get a better look.
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Suddenly there was a flare, like a newborn sun, blinding me and overloading my sensors.
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When I recovered my vision, hours later, the Mycon and their device were gone.
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I was able to effect repairs on my sensors and depart the system
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but I had been cut off from my squadron, and had to travel home alone.
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#(what_happened)
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So what happened to your ship?
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#(MET_VUX) shofixti-041.ogg
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On my way home, I encountered a VUX Intruder.
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Before I destroyed it, the VUX was able to affix some of those vile limpet things to my ship
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and I had to return home at a greatly diminished speed.
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I did find one thing interesting though as I skimmed through the edge of Yehat space.
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I dropped into Zeta Sextantis to re-charge some of my depleted energy cells
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so I moved into the extreme inner system. There, right next to the sun
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I found a very strange planet... it messed up my sensors somehow
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that's why I could not recognize your ship at first.
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I'd never seen a planet like that before, so maybe you should investigate?
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#(glory_device)
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When we were fighting, why didn't you use your Glory Device?
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#(SWITCH_BROKE) shofixti-042.ogg
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During my battle with the VUX, I decided to employ the weapon.
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But I guess I used too much gusto
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and the switch broke.
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#(bye)
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Goodbye, Tanaka.
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#(GOODBYE) shofixti-043.ogg
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Good hunting.
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#(FRIENDLY_HELLO) shofixti-044.ogg
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Greetings Captain. It is good to see you again.
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#(report0)
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What's your report
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#(report1)
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?
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#(NOTHING_NEW) shofixti-045.ogg
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Nothing new to report, sir.
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#(OUT_TAKES) shofixti-046.ogg
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Ah, I see someone approaches, but who is it?
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Ho, ho! It is the creature which I wrongly called a disgusting Ur-Quan slimewad
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and a cowardly slug-spawn
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and a pouchless lard-log freak
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and a leprous, non-functional sex organ
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and a wallowing, phlegm-filled Ogrunti belly-licker.
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HA! My human friend has returned!
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So what am I doing here, you ask?
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I'M TRYING TO GET SOME REST, THAT'S WHAT!!!
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I'll be lucky if I don't have a heart attack soon.
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You have no idea how hard it is to personally replenish an entire species!
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