It's called software for a reason -- unlike hardware, we can CHANGE
it easily.
%
Why do you want to make it HARDER to change SOFT ware?
%
The only test that matters is if your code did what it was supposed to,
when it counts most, in production.
%
Stupid and simple beats fancy, delicate, and fast.
%
Let your environment be your test driver.
%
If you can't run your code easily, you can't easily test it.
%
Never write what you can steal.
%
If you have to explain how it works, even you won't understand
it tomorrow.
%
A name, while vital, can be changed.
%
Get something out the door now.  Improve it later.
%
Running the same deterministic test driver on the same code 1000
times gives you no more confidence in its correctness than you got
in the first 10 times.
%
Have someone else write your test drivers.
%
Let your consumer write your test drivers by using your code --
observe and record what they do; that is the functionality that
MUST work, who cares about what you THINK must work.
%
A class does not try to do anything and a function is not trying
to be anything.

Classes try to be things and function try to do things.
%
If you are too worried about the style and format of code, then
you don't know how to program -- if you can't read well written
code in any format, you don't know what good code is.
%
If your assessment of code's quality is based upon its usage of
whitespace, you're reading the wrong programming language.

(Editor's Note: There is a language called "whitespace", where every
non-whitespace character is meaningless -- the mixing of newlines,
tabs, and spaces gives the meaning.)
%
In git:

Rebasing is a lie.

Cherry-picking is a fib.

Amending is cheating a little on your taxes, it's fine as long as
you don't get caught.
%
If you can't think in code, you're not thinking about code.
%
If you only think in code, you're not programming.
%
Use the compiler, not the CPU.  (Use types, not raw memory.)
%
If you feel compelled to ban it, then you don't understand it.

We only fear that which we don't understand.
%
Debugging is easy; it's testing that's hard.

When debugging you just have to figure out what went wrong when
your program was used in a way that it must be used.

In testing, you have to figure out all the ways it might be used
and all of the ways it shouldn't be used.
%
Don't trust your inputs; trust your input types!
%
A strongly formatted string is not as good as a type system.
%
Learn to metaprogram -- why write code to do what you want, when
you can write the code that writes that code for everybody?
%
If you can't explain the difference between what I'm doing and what
you want, maybe it doesn't exist -- do you know what you want?
%
Are you getting paid by the line?
%
Be an environmentalist -- improve your environment every few months.
Take some time to add useful bells, whistles, and gadgets to your
personal programming tools.
%
Learn and use the 3 notebooks.
%
If you bring a laptop to a meeting, you aren't meeting.
%
If you called a meeting, I assume it's worth my time -- don't let
me down.
%
If your solution to the problem of "we're not getting things done
fast enough" is to do more things we don't need to do, I don't
think you correctly understand the problem.
%
Nobody ever made a ship faster with more dress-inspections.
%
Fear may motivate, but fun inspires.
%
Don't try to catch up to where I am-- I'm still moving forward.
Are you focused on getting to where I am, or are you focused
on moving?
%
The only constant in the universe is change -- your code will change,
either you or someone else will do it.  Accept that.
%
If you have too many rules to program by, you have too little
understanding of how to actually program.
%
If you insist on deep code review of all code, how much do you
trust your developers?
%
If you don't trust your developers, why do you still trust your
HR department?
%
If you don't trust your developers to write good code, how can you
ever trust them to recognize good code when they review it?
%
If you don't trust your developers... what's your business plan?
%
Code is not an asset, it's a liability -- it's the only financial
way that "Technical Debt" makes sense.  One does not make interest
or principal payments on assets.
%
I will fire you, as a co-worker or boss, if you don't measure up.
%
Feel free to quit, as my boss, if you think our working relationship
is bad.
%
Don't lie to me -- I'll act on those lies as if they're truth.
Now you've got more insanity on your plate.
%
If I'm complaining, I'm invested in our success.
%
If I'm demanding, I'm dedicated to our success.
%
If weekly status meetings were good and our new daily "standup"
status meetings are better, why aren't we having hourly status
meetings?
%
SCRUM: Another management philosophy that solves problems by having
more meetings.  But, hey!  At least it sounds cool!
%
SCRUM for dummies:

Have a problem?  Have a meeting!  Rinse and repeat.
%
SCRUM for dummies:

Mo' meetings, mo' problems
%
The SCRUM Hip Hop song:

"I got 99 meetings, but commits I got none!"
%
Advice for working with me:

If I am having a lot of fun, you should either be very confident
in your business, or you should be very scared for it.
%
If my intention was to write and commit the perfect code once and
never change it, I would be writing in binary.
%
When in doubt, program by successive approximation.
%
If you can explain it, you can code it.  If you can't code it,
you can't explain it.
%
The most elegant piece of code is the empty line.  How much elegant
code did you write today?
%
Programming is hard enough, even without having to remember your
extra arbitrary rules.  Why do you want to make it harder?
%
If I have to beg your git server to make new branches, you're pining
for CVS.
%
Doing Agile - v, The art of trying to slow down the pace of
software development, in the pursuit of a faster pace of
software development.
%
Do you understand why I crack jokes at your standup meetings?
%
Don't bikeshed, plow ahead!
%